Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
