mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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