i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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