the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
