WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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