Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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