His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
