new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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