I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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