Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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