your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
