All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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