life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is my gift to your gina
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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