At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
