fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
