I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
