my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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