how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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