I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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