Don't make out with my wife yet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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