Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
