You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
