the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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