I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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