I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
