She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
