It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
