You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
