I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
