WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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