I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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