do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
People in love make me want to vomit
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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