Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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