woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
