She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
