My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
