I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if only i could text you this smell
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
