dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
