I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
