OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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