between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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