i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
