alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
