My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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