R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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