Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
