My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
