Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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