No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
