Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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