I cockslap morals
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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