Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
