Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.