when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.