If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything