overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.