I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.