Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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