he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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