Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway