why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".