dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.