hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?