my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.