I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
