i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
