make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
