You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
