We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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