More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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