Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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