I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
