I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
